I’m a therapist. I also know what it’s like to have an eating disorder. I used to wake up daily hating my body and knowing that I was destroying it. I know the obsession with counting calories, eating too much, not eating enough, etc. I know the “crazy”!
At 25 years old I was working in a dead-end career and my eating disorder had hijacked my life. I was desperate, terrified, and in a lot of pain. I could not keep it together. The harder I tried to control it, the worse it became. Dealing with my eating disorder left my relationships suffering. I couldn’t keep commitments, cancelled plans, and could not show up for myself or others. This hindered my romantic relationships as well – the entire relationship would become wrapped up in my eating disorder.
I didn’t think there was a way out and I truly thought I would die this way. I felt shameful, guilty, disgusting, sick, angry, sad etc., and that this disorder was beyond my control. I tried to keep it together for my job, family, and friends, but I couldn’t. I failed, and depression, anxiety, and desperation set in. I finally had to admit that I was out of control and needed help.
I spent years trying to find a solution. You name it, I did it. I am happy to say that my journey led me to finding the help I needed. And I always told myself that if I ever got better then I MUST help others. No one should have to suffer like I did.